Blog of a Hypnotherapist

Uncategorized • • • • • • • • • By Brad Mace 0 Comments

Coping with grief

Dove flying with wings oustretched in a blue sky with a few clouds

Hello again everyone and welcome to my last blog of 2016.  I hope that you have all had a fantastic and stress free Christmas and that you are looking forward to a positive new year ahead. I have decided to talk about the subject of grief in my final blog simply because of the amount of celebrity deaths that there has been this year. I’ve witnessed an outpouring of grief on social networks and it did make me question why we get so caught up in the death of somebody that we don’t personally know. Christmas Day was the last example when pop star George Michael passed. Quite an apt time of year seeing as last Christmas was a huge hit for him in the 80s and has been played constantly every year since. Christmas is also an emotional time when feelings can be running quite high. I think many people were shocked to hear late Christmas day that he had passed including  myself. It’s not always the loss of the actual celebrity that we are grieving but it is a nostalgic loss of days gone by. We relive many happy memories and sometimes unhappy memories of growing up and the nostalgia can play on our feelings. Also if we are carrying around any unresolved grief from our loss of our own close ones then this can sometimes be brought to the surface which isn’t a bad thing. Harbouring unresolved grief can cause many negative symptoms. Many clients that come to me for all manner of reasons sometimes their problems stem back to loss and worse than that not being able to grieve properly and that emotion becoming stuck in the subconscious. Not being able to grieve properly can be because of all manner of reasons such as being too busy to grieve, having to keep strong for other family members or friends or even, especially in men, seeing letting any emotion out as a weakness. The problem is that emotion is there and if you don’t release it then it will just remain trapped in the subconscious causing all manner of problems.

I wouldn’t work with anyone using hypnotherapy for grief within the first two years of losing a loved  one. It is important that those left behind go through the various stages. There are five stages of grieving and they can take two years to process and trying to get rid of those emotions in that time could be damaging as those feelings need to be processed. The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance. People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. If a client gets ‘stuck’ at any of these stages and two years has passed then that is where I would use hypnotherapy for unresolved grief which can have powerfully effective positive outcomes. For any help with grieving in the first two years I can highly recommend cruse who are a there for your support at these sad times. http://www.cruse.org.uk/.

So, grieving is natural, necessary and healthy. It’s not grieving that would have a detrimental effect on you. Don’t let anyone berate you for grieving and expressing your emotions even if it is for a celebrity that you don’t know. This person was still part of your life and you may be grieving those times or it could be just bringing out negative emotions that need to be brought out. That can never be a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with releasing negative emotion.

The grief stages are universal and experienced by different cultures from all walks of life. Grief isn’t only experienced for people that we have lost to death but also for the end of relationships and for the death of animals. Pets are a huge part of many families and the death of our beloved pets can be just as traumatising.

On a happier note I would like to wish you a happy and positive new year. For more information about hypnotherapy and EFT in Essex please check out the rest of the website www.positivelycalm.com. I will also be posting a series of EFT (tapping) videos for weight loss over the coming weeks with the first one hopefully to be posted in the next few days. Here’s to a Positively Calm 2017!

Therapy • • • • • • • • • • • • • By Brad Mace 0 Comments

Therapy is a journey – Don’t give up!

A sunset over clouds with the words dont give up

One of the most frustrating things for all therapists has to be when clients give up on therapy so easily. Many clients want a quick fix and for you to be able to wave a magic wand and make them better – Just like that! Although stage hypnosis does give the impression that this is possible it really isn’t quite like that. What hypnotherapy can do though is help you get better more quickly than with just talking therapies. The reason for this is that we are working with the subconscious. When you are working with just talking therapies it can take a lot longer to get down to a subconscious process. By using hypnosis we can bypass the conscious and get straight to the root cause or emotional repression that is causing a particular symptom. This still isn’t necessarily going to happen overnight though. Some things are quick to fix. Quit smoking can usually be dealt with in one two hour session. But for many emotional and anxiety problems we are looking at several sessions. And therapy can be TOUGH! Much of the time we are dealing with negative emotions that have been suppressed in the subconscious for so long that we have to relive those emotions to release them. I am quite happy when there is a client crying in the chair not because I am a wicked person that likes to see pain but because I know that emotion is being released and that very release is going to help my client get better.

However, it is not always the case that you have to get worse before you get better. In some clients cases they start feeling better after just one session and for others its two or three sessions. No client is a text book case. Most commonly clients are up and down as they are going through therapy and when they are up that is normally a good indication of how they are going to feel once their therapy is complete. However tough your therapy feels while you are going through it don’t give up. It is so much worth it in the end. I am so glad I went through with mine as it has turned my life around and to think I could still be the same way I always was if I hadn’t have completed my therapy. I have to admit that there were times when I thought Why am I doing this? But I knew deep down that facing those demons was the best thing that I could do. And I know it is a brave thing to do. So to anyone going through therapy I do commend your bravery. Never give up.

Another reason people sometimes use to give up on therapy is the cost. It often suprises me the things that some people will prioritise in front of their own mental and emotional health.  If someone chooses not to have therapy but will spend that money on alcohol or even drugs, new clothes, a handbag or accessories It is usually a case of sticking to an old routine of trying to make themselves better by using these devices to ‘patch’  things up. That isn’t going to make the problem go away. It may make a person feel a little better for a short while and give them a boost but that will soon pass.

Another reason someone may give up on therapy is because of outside influences. Maybe there is someone that doesn’t want to see them getting better so is putting them off. This does happen on the odd occasion. Normally there is a hidden agenda there.

Even though therapy can sometimes be tough it is very positive and beneficial and is actually an exciting journey into self discovery. So if you start the journey don’t give up!!    We are all learning about ourselves all the time and that includes me! And if you want to start your journey contact me here at positivelycalm to start your hypnotherapy in Essex.

Uncategorized • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • By Brad Mace 0 Comments

General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

mr-worry

General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Hello everyone and I hope that you have all had a positive week. This week I am talking about general anxiety disorder. Although this is a common symptom in a therapists consulting room I seem to have had a lot more enquiries/appointments  booked regarding this subject recently. Much more than normal.
Although everyone has times in their lives when they can get anxious or even nervous it becomes  a problem when these symptoms get so frequent and so strong that it takes over their lives. So how can you tell if it has become too much? Well if you are suffering from any of these symptoms on a regular basis you might want to get some help.

If you are worrying excessively about everyday things however big or small they might be. If you lay in bed at night and can’t go to sleep because you are overthinking these things or situations. Do you worry about things that haven’t happened and may never happen? Are these thoughts becoming more and more persistent?

Do you have irrational fears attached to a specific situation, event or thing? This could be social situations, flying, traveling, certain animals or insects or do you have a fear of heights. If your reactions are way out of proportion to the actual harm that could realistically happen to you then you are suffering from a phobia which is also a part symptom of general anxiety disorder.

Are you suffering from any physical symptoms? Muscle tension or tension headaches or even migraine on a regular basis? Sometimes people get so used to being tense that after a while they don’t realise they are suffering from symptoms until they are relaxed with hypnotherapy or other forms of relaxation. Other physical symptoms of anxiety are chronic digestive problems such as IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). The symptoms of IBS would be stomachaches, cramping, bloating, gas, constipation, and/or diarrhea.

Another symptom of GAD could be Stage fright. Most people get at least a few butterflies before addressing a group of people or otherwise being in the spotlight. But if the fear is so strong or if you spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about it, you may have a form of social anxiety disorder. Are you very self concious in front of only a small group of people. That is exactly how I was myself before I had my own therapy that led me myself to want to help others and become a hypnotherapist in Essex.

Have you ever suffered from a panic attack? A sudden  Rush of helplessness to your body with symptoms including breathing problems, a pounding or racing heart, tingling or numb hands, sweating, weakness or dizziness, chest pain, stomach pain, and feeling hot or cold. A real sick feeling in your stomach almost frozen on the spot. Not knowing whether to hit out (fight) or run (flight). This is called the fight or flight response.

Do you have flashbacks to a disturbing or traumatic event that has happened in the past? Do you constantly think or obsess about it. This is a symptom of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which is also linked to GAD.

And finally are you obsessive? Are you constantly looking for everything you do to be perfect. Do you beat yourself up a lot in your mind with a feeling of nothing that you do is ever good enough.
Do you rely on alcohol or other drugs to mask your feelings?

If you have any of the above symptoms then you are probably suffering from a form of GAD. So, what can you do about it? I used to suffer from some of these symptoms and as I have mentioned in earlier blogs I went through Hypno-analysis and this cured me. In fact that is what lead me to become a therapist and want to help others. Analysis consisted of being regressed to events in my early life that caused my symptoms and by doing this emotional repressions were released allowing me to move forward. Another good tool for helping with GAD is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). I wish I had known about this powerful therapeutic tool when I was younger. It’s a great way to clear fears, anxieties and blockages in life.  Otherwise known as tapping, in a nutshell, it is tapping on your acupuncture points along with some talking therapy.  For more information see this video on EFT and you can also see this video of me showing you the EFT tapping points.

No one wants to be going through life with these symptoms and being shown the way to move forward and alleviate these symptoms has such an impact on peoples lives that they can emerge in a much bright and positive world.

If you suffer in any way with any of these symptoms do not hesitate to contact me for a free initial consultation at my Hypnotherapy practice in Hullbridge Essex.

 

 

Anxiety • • • • • • • By Brad Mace 0 Comments

Help For Hoarders

Help for Hoarders

living

This week I attended the CCVS Community Marketplace at the Firstsite venue in Colchester. I was here working alongside  a community interest company ‘Your Living room’ who have started using my therapy services this last year for their unique person centred approach to decluttering for  their clients that are affected by a hoarding disorder which is impairing their quality of life. Their vision is to make a home as functional, comfortable and organised as possible, according to the preferences and personality of the individual client, whilst improving their quality of life and maintaining their dignity.

Their fully trained staff work closely and empathetically with the client’s family, social landlords, support groups and the diverse professional Essex network. They look to ensure that a realistic support plan is maintained for the client, beyond the decluttering process.

Their clients ‘Care and Support Plan’ aims to ensure that they are able to return to living, in a safe, manageable and agreeable existence, by encouraging them to be involved in the decision making process throughout and help them re-establish their independence.

The care act (2014) states that self neglect, a form of abuse now encompasses hoarding as a safeguard concern. Your living room does some great work in that not only do they help with the decluttering  process but they offer  emotional support throughout and after. That’s where my therapy services are often used. I could explain it as that where they work with decluttering in the home I work with the decluttering of the mind.

For the most part to begin with I use some cognitive behavioural therapy to identify a hoarders regularly occurring cognitive distortions which have created the psychological distress leading them to suffer from depression/anxiety leading them to hoard. These are what would trigger automatic subconscious thoughts influencing their actions creating a subconscious fear. Normally these would have been formed around their early years. By recognising these emotions and and the thought pattern attached to it we can use therapy to reframe those negative thought patterns and also clear repressed negative emotions. Often with hoarders this can be loss which makes sense that in their minds they need to hold onto everything feeding their fear of ‘losing’. This is not always the loss of a loved one, but, as in one case that I worked with, can also be the loss of material things or having things stolen from them. Off course, as always in therapy, we cannot presume that the originating problem is always going to be loss either.

Normally after doing reframing work using congnitive behavioural therapy I would then be looking at using Emotional Freedom Technique. What I love about this form of therapy is not only the work that we can do one to one but also that it is a fantastic self-help tool that I can teach the client so that they still have something to use when we are no longer there to support them. EFT or ‘tapping’ as it is often referred to can be described as emotional acupuncture without the needles. It is a way of tuning into a negative emotion that we feel about an event and decreasing the intensity of that negative emotion. When I first became involved in EFT it was a difficult concept for my mind to grasp because as a hypnotherapist I was always so used to working with positive suggestion that to focus on the negative was quite an alien idea to me. When I started using the process in the hypnotherapy consulting room in Essex though I found that I was not only getting quick but also lasting change with clients. I have to say that I also have used it on myself for many things including pain relief with fantastic results.

Not only is it a good tool for the hoarder because they will be suffering from a lot of anxiety about letting go of some of their things or they could be suffering from depression which EFT can also take a load of their shoulders. It is also a good way of back tracking through feelings to get to the root cause of what may have caused their symptoms. If this can be done then it is possible to get everlasting change which could make such a difference to their lives.

Working alongside your living room is an absolute pleasure because I know that I am working with good professional people who have a genuine compassion and empathy with their clients.

Your living room also have a sister company viventium which they use for training. They offer hoarding awareness training in which I also go along and talk about therapy for hoarders. I am also hoping to work with them in the future with some training packages that I am putting together.

 

 

 

Uncategorized • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • By Brad Mace 0 Comments

Success and what it means to you

Success loading pic

A question that I often get asked is how do you measure success? This isn’t an easy question to answer because success very much depends on the individual and what their own definition of success is. Some people measure success on financial gain and how successful they are in their career. Others measure success on how successful they are in love and relationships and on lifes achievements. As a therapist it is not always easy to measure success within your own practice because if you’ve made good progress with a client and they are ready to finish therapy you let them go off into the world and hopefully you don’t hear from them again because they are better and no longer need your help. I suppose I would consider myself successful in the way that I never usually have to work with a client again unless they come back for a completely different reason. For example I had a text from a client this week who had seen me for quit smoking hypnotherapy in Essex 6 months ago. After two months of not smoking he was so pleased that he had quit the habit so easily that he decided that he would go to the next step and stop drinking. This client was not an alcoholic by any means but he did realise that his drinking had also become a bit of a bad habit because of his lifestyle. So he returned to me for another two hour session but this time focusing on his drinking habit. During this session we used both emotional freedom technique and hypnotherapy. We chose a one off extra long session simply because he lives a long way away (he had chosen to travel to me for my quit-smoking session after a recommendation) so it was the best option in this case. I didn’t feel that there were any underlying issues to be dealt with so it was a much simpler process. So when I received the text this week saying that he was 6 months off the cigarettes and 2 months off alcohol I knew that it had been successful. The other way I can measure success is if I see a client as a recommendation from someone else who has seen me for therapy with successful results. I also offer a free top up if a quit-smoker is smoking within three months of seeing me. It is very rare that anyone returns for that. That’s says to me SUCCESS!

Success for me was learning to walk again after a serious hit and run accident. I will never take walking  far granted again! Yet to someone else walking is just a natural everyday activity. A client that is suffering from a social phobia or a general anxiety disorder would feel successful by being able to walk into a room full of people without those nerves with their head held high and a big smile on their face for the first time ever.

A big mistake many people make is to compare themselves to others.  They may see a colleague in a better job earning better money with a lovely car. That same colleague could be looking at you in a solid happy relationship thinking they would give up everything that they have to be in that position. So it’s all relative to the person.  If you are working in a sales environment then success would be meeting and exceeding your targets. Many people thrive on the adrenalin rush that this brings.

My aim at positivelycalm is to help you achieve the success that is important for you. Part of this would be removing barriers that may be stopping you achieving all that you want to achieve. Emotion Freedom Technique is very good for this because sometimes our anxieties play havoc with us achieving our goals. So if we can remove our blocks then there is no stopping us getting to where we want to be and even further! Our believe system is so important in this process. A common problem all therapists find with clients is that they don’t feel good enough. If you believe that you are not good enough for something then you probably won’t be. If you believe that you are good enough then you will be. It’s all there for you in the power of your own mind. All of us are good enough. We just need to believe. Sometimes we just need some help in untapping our potential. There is nothing wrong with seeking help along the way. Whatever your goal, wether it is hypnotherapy for weight loss or hypnotherapy for quit smoking, just making that decision to go ahead is your first step to SUCCESS! So if you would like some help to achieve your dreams come and see me at positivelycalm for some therapy in Essex.

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