Happy New Year everyone and welcome to my first blog of 2017. Sorry that it’s been a bit delayed but things have been busy here at positivelycalm. I hope we all had good Christmas and New Year celebrations. Did everyone got through it in one piece without too many arguments?;-) I say this because it can be a stressful time for some people and along with too much alcohol sometimes things get heated. We have all heard of the famous Christmas argument. Well with many people making new years resolutions concerning quitting bad habits and weight loss how about a resolution to keep calm and stop arguing? It doesn’t have to be the start of a new year to make a resolution; we can make change at any time. I always find arguing such a waste of energy. After all what is arguing? It is just difference of opinion and wouldn’t the world be a boring place if we all thought the same? Our opinions come from our different backgrounds and experiences which colour our thoughts and judgments in later life so, of course, we can’t all have the same ideas. And discussing things calmly is a fantastic way of learning from each other but when things get heated or aggressive then that is when it becomes an argument. And what is the best way to lose an argument? Exactly that! Getting aggressive really takes away all credibility.
So what is an argument? A dictionary definition of an argument is as follows:
1. Give reasons or cite evidence in support of an idea, action, or theory, typically with the aim of persuading others to share one’s view.
2. Exchange or express diverging or opposite views, typically in a heated or angry way.
So yes it is great to debate things but when people start getting upset or angry it can cause a bad atmosphere and bad feeling. How can we avoid this?
First of all listen! Just by showing the other person that you are taking into account what they are saying will make them feel better. It doesn’t mean that you have to agree to what they are saying.
Display open body language. Crossing your arms or turning away from a person is an aggressive gesture that is just going to aggravate the person that you are conversing with.
Try not to raise your voice. Keep it on an even level. There is a big difference between argumentative and assertive behaviour. It is much better to be assertive and get your point across without losing your temper.
If you feel yourself getting angry then talk about your feelings. It’s much better to discharge them by speaking before you get angry otherwise that leads to frustration. If you can both consciously take five minutes each at the beginning to talk about your feelings this can really help keep your anger down.
Don’t make threats. This is a very weak way of trying to convince someone to understand you.
Don’t bring up negative feelings that the other person may have done in the past. Try to calmly concentrate on the matter in hand.
Abuse is never acceptable. This includes verbal or physical abuse. If the discussion/argument reaches this point then walk away.
Don’t be goaded into an argument. Even negative attention is attention for some people. Some people actually do like to argue because it gives them a sense of power or gratification albeit temporary. Avoid getting sucked into their need for attention.
Listen to your body. When you are angry your body releases chemicals that may cause you to react in ways that can be destructive to you. Learn to understand your feelings and how the process of anger affects you physically and emotionally.
Sometimes if you start feeling negative feelings in your body from arguing you need to step back and take a deep breath and think about what you are saying. Our subconscious will always jump in before our conscious so a great deal of the time when you are having an argument you end up saying something that just makes the argument ten times worse before you have even had a chance to think about it.
If you are finding avoiding arguing hard that is where Hypnotherapy and Emotional Freedom Technique can help. No one really wants to walk around with these negative feelings and often we don’t have any idea why we are feeling them because they spring from repressed negative feelings in the subconcious. Working with a trained therapist can bring these negative feelings out and take a huge weight off your shoulders. Anger management is a big part of my client base here at positivelycalm where I provide a top class Hypnotherapy service in Essex.
For further information do not hesitate to contact me on 07795573280 or complete this contact form.
Wishing you all a positively calm and argument free New Year!