Category: Avoiding arguments

A Christmas Stress Buster!

A picture of a woman with her mouth wide open like a scream wearing a santa hat surrounded by wrapped presents with the word help on the left

 

Even though tis the season to be jolly, for some people this puts on an added pressure to show an outward happiness that, for whatever reason, one does not feel inside. This can compound negative feelings and make a person feel even more isolated, especially if there has been increased stress, tragedy or bereavement in a persons life. Sometimes the stress can be simply having to welcome unwanted guests or unwanted demands on top of our normal everyday life such as extra shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining to name just a few but this all adds to Christmas stress.

Using just a few practical tips these could help you enjoy the Christmas season more than you thought and minimize any stress. So here goes……

  1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings. If your loved ones are absent or if a loved one has recently died it’s OK to cry and let your feelings out. Don’t try and force yourself to be happy just because it is Christmas. This will just put unwanted pressure on yourself and make yourself feel worse.

 

  1. Contact that friend! If you are feeling lonely or isolated then try and reach out and speak to someone. If there isn’t anyone you know that you can speak to then try not to isolate yourself and seek out some community events. Volunteering is a good way to keep yourself occupied taking your mind of stressful thoughts and this is also a good way of meeting new people. This can generate some feel good positive thinking because you are giving something back to society. Just remember extra volunteers are always extra volunteers needed at Christmas time, especially in soup kitchens and homeless shelters.

 

 

  1. Forget Perfection! Be realistic with yourself. Christmas does not have to be the perfect day and does not have to be the same as last year and previous happy Christmases. Things do change, people move away, children may branch out with their own friends and their new families and therefore traditions can alter and change. People who previously made up your festival group festivities including children, friends and family circumstances may have changed so they may not be able to be with you over the Christmas period. You can find other ways of celebrating together. A phone call, skype or sharing videos and photos. No-one needs to be isolated with the way communication is these days.

 

  1. Forget your differences. Set aside any grievances or grudges until a more appropriate time for discussion to avoid any negativity on the day. Try to be understanding if others get disappointed or upset if things don’t quite go the way that they were planned. Remember as the year is drawing to an end instinctively we reflect on the past twelve months and there is a risk, especially with the festive alcohol that negative memories may come to the forefront of our minds.

 

 

  1. Don’t overspend. When you go shopping set a budget and stick to it. Don’t spend over your means as this just creates unwanted stress that could last throughout the year.

 

  1. Set a plan and stick to it! Try and schedule your days leading up to Christmas so that you know when you are shopping, baking , cleaning etc….. Plan your menus so that you know exactly how much food that you are buying and stick to the shopping list. Do not be tempted to over buy, you will only be throwing it away.

 

 

  1. Exercise. Try and get some exercise and fresh air. Even if it means just going for a walk to clear your head. If you already do regular exercise then don’t abandon your normal routine completely. Try and fit in as much exercise as you can to keep you tip top and this will also help you get a good quality nights sleep to help you recharge your batteries for the next day.

 

  1. Take time out. Don’t be afraid to go to a quiet room for a while and try a five minute meditation, you will find this may also help you to recharge and give clarity of mind. Emotional Freedom Technique is also very good for relieving stress and bringing down and taking control of anxious and overwhelming feelings. It’s also a good tool for letting negative feelings out, letting go of them and replacing them with positive ones. See a basic EFT instruction video here.

 

  1. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are finding Christmas preparations too demanding then don’t be afraid to ask for help! Those involved in your Christmas preparation and festivities will also feel much happier that they are able to contribute to your celebrations. Trying to deliver the whole of Christmas by yourself may become too overwhelming and unmanageable.

 

  1. Help is out there! If you continue to have stressful feelings or your emotions are escalating to the point where you just cannot cope then you may seek professional help or if it is an acute emotional crisis a sympathetic ear is always available at the Samaritans.

 

 

I hope that these tips help you to get through the holiday period and relieves any possible Christmas stress and  you all have a fantastic time. Remember be positive, keep calm, and, most of all, HAVE FUN!!!!!

 

First Blog Of The New Year – Preventing Heated Arguments

Two people pulling on each end of a gold chain with a sign in the middle of the chain saing 'Why I'm Right'

Happy New Year everyone and welcome to my first blog of 2017. Sorry that it’s been a bit delayed but things have been busy here at positivelycalm. I hope we all had good Christmas and New Year celebrations. Did everyone got through it in one piece without too many arguments?;-) I say this because it can be a stressful time for some people and along with too much alcohol sometimes things get heated. We have all heard of the famous Christmas argument. Well with many people making new years resolutions concerning quitting bad habits and weight loss how about a resolution to keep calm and stop arguing? It doesn’t have to be the start of a new year to make a resolution; we can make change at any time. I always find arguing such a waste of energy. After all what is arguing? It is just difference of opinion and wouldn’t the world be a boring place if we all thought the same? Our opinions come from our different backgrounds and experiences which colour our thoughts and judgments in later life so, of course, we can’t all have the same ideas. And discussing things calmly is a fantastic way of learning from each other but when things get heated or aggressive then that is when it becomes an argument. And what is the best way to lose an argument? Exactly that! Getting aggressive really takes away all credibility.
So what is an argument? A dictionary definition of an argument is as follows:
1. Give reasons or cite evidence in support of an idea, action, or theory, typically with the aim of persuading others to share one’s view.
2. Exchange or express diverging or opposite views, typically in a heated or angry way.
So yes it is great to debate things but when people start getting upset or angry it can cause a bad atmosphere and bad feeling. How can we avoid this?
First of all listen! Just by showing the other person that you are taking into account what they are saying will make them feel better. It doesn’t mean that you have to agree to what they are saying.
Display open body language. Crossing your arms or turning away from a person is an aggressive gesture that is just going to aggravate the person that you are conversing with.
Try not to raise your voice. Keep it on an even level. There is a big difference between argumentative and assertive behaviour. It is much better to be assertive and get your point across without losing your temper.
If you feel yourself getting angry then talk about your feelings. It’s much better to discharge them by speaking before you get angry otherwise that leads to frustration. If you can both consciously take five minutes each at the beginning to talk about your feelings this can really help keep your anger down.
Don’t make threats. This is a very weak way of trying to convince someone to understand you.
Don’t bring up negative feelings that the other person may have done in the past. Try to calmly concentrate on the matter in hand.
Abuse is never acceptable. This includes verbal or physical abuse. If the discussion/argument reaches this point then walk away.
Don’t be goaded into an argument. Even negative attention is attention for some people. Some people actually do like to argue because it gives them a sense of power or gratification albeit temporary. Avoid getting sucked into their need for attention.
Listen to your body. When you are angry your body releases chemicals that may cause you to react in ways that can be destructive to you. Learn to understand your feelings and how the process of anger affects you physically and emotionally.
Sometimes if you start feeling negative feelings in your body from arguing you need to step back and take a deep breath and think about what you are saying. Our subconscious will always jump in before our conscious so a great deal of the time when you are having an argument you end up saying something that just makes the argument ten times worse before you have even had a chance to think about it.
If you are finding avoiding arguing hard that is where Hypnotherapy and Emotional Freedom Technique can help. No one really wants to walk around with these negative feelings and often we don’t have any idea why we are feeling them because they spring from repressed negative feelings in the subconcious. Working with a trained therapist can bring these negative feelings out and take a huge weight off your shoulders. Anger management is a big part of my client base here at positivelycalm where I provide a top class Hypnotherapy service in Essex.
For further information do not hesitate to contact me on 07795573280 or complete this contact form.
Wishing you all a positively calm and argument free New Year!

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