Blog of a Hypnotherapist

Take Control Of Your Life!

A picture of a person picking up a large control key from a keyboard and holding it over their head and walking away from the keyboard with the words 'taking control' at the top of the pictureDo you ever feel out of control of your life? Your all powerful subconscious mind that runs in the background and over rides all conscious thought is an amazing tool if used correctly and the key to taking control of your life. Your subconscious mind controls all the vital processes of your body and knows the answers to all problems. One way of proving this to yourself is to, before sleep, turn over a specific request to your subconscious mind. The more you practice this then the more your belief system will take this request on board as a truth and begin to make it a reality. This is why it is so important to carefully watch all ideas and thoughts entertained in the conscious mind. The law of action and reaction is universal. Your thought is action, and the reaction is the automatic response of your subconscious mind to your thoughts. Watch your thoughts!

When we feel frustration it is due to unfulfilled desires so if you dwell on obstacles, delays and difficulties your subconscious mind will respond accordingly and you are blocking your own good. Affirmations can be a really effective way of re-programming the subconscious mind to steer it towards more positive goals.

You already know that you can interfere with the normal rhythm on your heart, lungs and other organs by worry, anxiety and fear so if you feed your subconscious with thoughts of harmony, health, and peace all the functions of your body will become normal again.

Keep your conscious mind busy with the expectation of the best, and your subconscious will faithfully reproduce your habitual thinking.

IMAGINE the happy ending or solution to your problems, feel the thrill of accomplishments and what you imagine and feel will be accepted by your subconscious mind. Our imagination is such a powerful tool and by training it in a positive way it can bring so many positive attributes to our lives.

Another way of re-training our subconscious mind is through the power of hypnosis. Using hypnotherapy we can remove negative blocks that are getting in the way of our goals. Hypno-analysis is a very good tool for weeding out any negative thoughts by removing undesired emotional attachments to negative memories then by re-framing the mind and adding some positive suggestion to the subconscious through hypnosis this frees your mind to move towards your positive outcome.

Things to remember:

  • Get rid of the negative thinking – No longer think and believe that you can’t. Negative thoughts lead to negative beliefs, which create more misery. So get rid of these negative thoughts as quickly as possible. If you entertain more negative thoughts you’ll be directing your subconscious mind to create more negative situations. You’ll be using your mind power to bring you more pain.
  • Visualize – Picture yourself getting what you want and succeeding. Always believe that you can and will succeed. Mind power relies on your thoughts, beliefs and how you see yourself. Make them all positive and your subconscious mind will deliver.

 

  • Never give up – Most people give up on their goals just when they’re on the verge of succeeding. You’re closer to succeeding than you realize so keep striving to achieve the success you want and keep believing in yourself.

 

Your subconscious can work for you like MAGIC!  So use it wisely. For more information of mind related matters please contact me here.

 

 

A Christmas Stress Buster!

A picture of a woman with her mouth wide open like a scream wearing a santa hat surrounded by wrapped presents with the word help on the left

 

Even though tis the season to be jolly, for some people this puts on an added pressure to show an outward happiness that, for whatever reason, one does not feel inside. This can compound negative feelings and make a person feel even more isolated, especially if there has been increased stress, tragedy or bereavement in a persons life. Sometimes the stress can be simply having to welcome unwanted guests or unwanted demands on top of our normal everyday life such as extra shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining to name just a few but this all adds to Christmas stress.

Using just a few practical tips these could help you enjoy the Christmas season more than you thought and minimize any stress. So here goes……

  1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings. If your loved ones are absent or if a loved one has recently died it’s OK to cry and let your feelings out. Don’t try and force yourself to be happy just because it is Christmas. This will just put unwanted pressure on yourself and make yourself feel worse.

 

  1. Contact that friend! If you are feeling lonely or isolated then try and reach out and speak to someone. If there isn’t anyone you know that you can speak to then try not to isolate yourself and seek out some community events. Volunteering is a good way to keep yourself occupied taking your mind of stressful thoughts and this is also a good way of meeting new people. This can generate some feel good positive thinking because you are giving something back to society. Just remember extra volunteers are always extra volunteers needed at Christmas time, especially in soup kitchens and homeless shelters.

 

 

  1. Forget Perfection! Be realistic with yourself. Christmas does not have to be the perfect day and does not have to be the same as last year and previous happy Christmases. Things do change, people move away, children may branch out with their own friends and their new families and therefore traditions can alter and change. People who previously made up your festival group festivities including children, friends and family circumstances may have changed so they may not be able to be with you over the Christmas period. You can find other ways of celebrating together. A phone call, skype or sharing videos and photos. No-one needs to be isolated with the way communication is these days.

 

  1. Forget your differences. Set aside any grievances or grudges until a more appropriate time for discussion to avoid any negativity on the day. Try to be understanding if others get disappointed or upset if things don’t quite go the way that they were planned. Remember as the year is drawing to an end instinctively we reflect on the past twelve months and there is a risk, especially with the festive alcohol that negative memories may come to the forefront of our minds.

 

 

  1. Don’t overspend. When you go shopping set a budget and stick to it. Don’t spend over your means as this just creates unwanted stress that could last throughout the year.

 

  1. Set a plan and stick to it! Try and schedule your days leading up to Christmas so that you know when you are shopping, baking , cleaning etc….. Plan your menus so that you know exactly how much food that you are buying and stick to the shopping list. Do not be tempted to over buy, you will only be throwing it away.

 

 

  1. Exercise. Try and get some exercise and fresh air. Even if it means just going for a walk to clear your head. If you already do regular exercise then don’t abandon your normal routine completely. Try and fit in as much exercise as you can to keep you tip top and this will also help you get a good quality nights sleep to help you recharge your batteries for the next day.

 

  1. Take time out. Don’t be afraid to go to a quiet room for a while and try a five minute meditation, you will find this may also help you to recharge and give clarity of mind. Emotional Freedom Technique is also very good for relieving stress and bringing down and taking control of anxious and overwhelming feelings. It’s also a good tool for letting negative feelings out, letting go of them and replacing them with positive ones. See a basic EFT instruction video here.

 

  1. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are finding Christmas preparations too demanding then don’t be afraid to ask for help! Those involved in your Christmas preparation and festivities will also feel much happier that they are able to contribute to your celebrations. Trying to deliver the whole of Christmas by yourself may become too overwhelming and unmanageable.

 

  1. Help is out there! If you continue to have stressful feelings or your emotions are escalating to the point where you just cannot cope then you may seek professional help or if it is an acute emotional crisis a sympathetic ear is always available at the Samaritans.

 

 

I hope that these tips help you to get through the holiday period and relieves any possible Christmas stress and  you all have a fantastic time. Remember be positive, keep calm, and, most of all, HAVE FUN!!!!!

 

Insomnia – Is it all in your head?

A man looking at his alarm clock in despair at ten past two in the morning because he can't sleep.

Worrying about not getting enough sleep could be the very thing that is causing your insomnia. Although sometimes there could be factors preventing us sleeping such as our diet and health, in a large number of cases it could just be all in the mind. Many of us are actually sleeping much better than we think. What many people actually have is ‘paradoxical insomnia’ where they think they are sleeping much less than they actually are. This can especially be common in people that are a bit anxious or sleep lightly. They may not be getting as good a sleep as the average person but studies show that although they tend to wake up a lot they are still getting sleep in between looking at their clocks. Because the sleep is very light they get the feeling that they are not sleeping at all so accepting that they are actually getting some broken sleep is the first step to tackling insomnia.

Insomnia is often about fear. Fear of just lying awake, fear that they can’t sleep or fear that they will not be able to function at work properly if they do not sleep. This fear then becomes a cycle and then going to bed becomes a negative task and then the fear of sleeps sets in.

So insomnia can simply be as much of a problem as the individual decides to make it. The problem is in your head. So if you can think your way into a problem then surely you can think your way out of it. But how can you do this?

First of all don’t put pressure on yourself to sleep. Don’t think of yourself as going to sleep but think of it as going for a rest. Resting is very restorative. As soon as you put pressure on yourself to sleep it’s not going to happen. So, make rest your goal! Research shows that for some cognitive tasks the benefits of rest were indistinguishable from sleep.

Much of the time people have decided for themselves wether they are good or bad sleepers. Remember you get what you focus on so if you focus on being a bad sleeper then you are probably going to get a bad nights sleep. Maybe if you decide that you are a good sleeper then if you do get a bad night then it won’t be so much of a big deal. Good sleepers have a belief that they are going to be fine whatever happens in the night. People that get highly stressed about their sleep have more depression, tiredness and cognitive impairment than people with a more positive belief system about their sleeping habits.

Increase your confidence about falling asleep by determining what time you need to get up then set your alarm and count backwards five and a half hours and don’t let yourself go to bed before that time (so in this case it would be one am). Make sure that you get up with that alarm and that you do not allow yourself any little naps throughout the day. Once you have done this for a few days your body will try and satisfy it’s need for sleep by making those five and a half hours as efficient as possible. Your sleep will then become much more continuous and much deeper. Once you have developed the confidence that you will fall asleep you can start bringing your bedtime forwards until it feels right for you. People may try and tell you that you need eight or nine hours sleep but research shows that six or seven is enough for a lot of people.

Move away from defining yourself as an insomniac by taking your focus away from sleep. See if you can go a whole month without talking about it! If you are asked by anyone about it then just say you slept fine.

Sometimes if we haven’t slept well the night before we tend to go to bed early in order to make up for it. This is a common mistake. It’s far better to go to bed later rather than earlier so that you make your sleep more efficient and don’t lay there in bed putting yourself under pressure to sleep.

You can start your bedtime routine as early as in the morning. Pick a wake up time and STICK TO IT! The brain loves consistency so if the brain has routine then it knows what is coming. Exercise is also a great idea. Early in the morning and outside in the fresh air is even better.

Sometimes it can be a case of an overactive mind. If I find my mind racing when I go to bed I find it very useful to use Emotional Freedom Technique to shut down my thinking. Hypnotherapy can also be very useful either by finding the root cause of the problem or using suggestions to help you sleep and get back into a routine.

For more information about hypnotherapy and EFT in Essex please contact me.

Caught in a bad romance? How to stop attracting negative relationships

A man and a woman shouting at each other and raising hands and clenching fists showing a bad relationships

Caught in a bad romance?

Do you find that you keep attracting the wrong partner into your life? Do you always end up in a toxic relationship? Do you see old relationship patterns repeating themselves?

One of the most common problems therapists deal with is a repeating pattern of dysfunctional relationships. The client’s partners share consistent similarities, such as physical and/or emotional abuse, unavailability, drug/alcohol, instability, Jealousy, narcissism, infidelity etc. And each relationship eventually ends badly because of these repetitive dynamics. After a while, such destructive patterns which often seem to be obvious to other people around them start to become apparent even to the client. And the therapeutic question becomes: Why would anyone persist in pursuing relationships that are doomed to failure? What’s going on here?

There are various reasons that this could be happening. Sometimes this can be due to a fear of intimacy with the opposite sex so we sabotage the relationship by pushing a partner away.

However, more often than not, there is a neurotic defense mechanism afoot that Freud called a ‘repetition compulsion’. This is a neurotic defense mechanism and this is how it works. It is typically an attempt to rewrite history. Particularly troubled relationships with parents, more often than not being the opposite sex parent. If this pattern matches in a current relationship the client has the subconscious childish hope that if he/she can be good, perfect, smart, quiet, funny enough etc then we can win over mum and dad and they will finally love them, as they need them to, unconditionally. The subconscious mistakenly believes that the problem with the parental interaction resides with them. With that the client believes they have the power to rectify it in changing into someone more acceptable. The most common argument I get from a client in this position is “It’s me. I am in the wrong. None of my relationships work.” So that client always hold onto the hope of being able to change the parents response by becoming what he or she wants us to become to ward off abandonment depression. Only now it is not a parent but the partner that the client is trying to please. This can often lead the client into a controlling relationship. So the client tends to repeat patterns of falling in love or getting involved with a partner that can cause them many difficulties. It’s a blind spot and no one would consciously choose this but this is a subconscious process at play and is a very powerful repetition if those negative subconscious repressed emotions are not released.

Sometimes clients have also become almost addicted to the drama of these events. It can become a subconscious way  to get any attention. This can also be very destructive. They also persevere with the relationship because they think they can fix their partner and force them to change. The believe that if they can change them that will make them a more worthy partner. They become rescuers but this can often be futile. In some cases it can just be a fear of being alone or low self worth hence choosing to opt for just anyone that will give them their time.

Hypnotherapy and EFT can help make change to these negative relationship habits  by releasing those repressed emotions and breaking the pattern that keeps re-occurring in the client’s life. By releasing those repressed emotions and changing thought processes we can help change the type of relationships that they have been attracting and guide them towards a more emotionally healthy and happy life.

Life is too short to be stuck in the wrong relationship and if our relationships are not in check then negative emotions can cause us so much stress and negative symptoms. This can cause us both mental and physical illness. Take control of your life now, you know it makes sense. 🙂

 

How positive thinking improves your life!

A sign saying negative think positive but the negative is crossed out.

 

So what are the amazing benefits of embracing positive thinking? Thinking with a positive mindset gives you freedom! But what exactly does it free you from? By developing a positive mindset you get freedom from all the negativity inhabiting your mind. When you have negative thoughts it corrupts your mind and then gradually pollutes your emotions. It also has a detrimental affect on your behaviour and attitude. Any thoughts that instil fear in you and make you succumb to your fears are also negative thoughts. Thoughts such as ‘I am incapable of doing that’, ‘I am not good enough’,  ‘I am a failure’ and ‘what if something goes wrong’ and similar thoughts are all negative and it is this that prevents you taking a step forward because these thoughts make you feel incapable of doing something. If you surrender to these thoughts each time, and never consider going against them, then you get stuck in a cocoon of negativity, and you are never able to live freely.

BUT there is good news. By learning to develop a positive mindset, you learn to battle the negative thoughts emerging inside you. Positive thinking helps you realise that your negative thoughts, feelings and emotions are nothing but a corruption of normal thoughts. There isn’t anything that you cannot do! Really it is just a matter of trying. By retraining your mind it helps you to be liberated from the negativity rooted inside of you. This makes you stronger standing on your own and putting an end to pessimism. Once you can do this you will learn that life is much more beautiful and much simpler than you have been making it. It is wonderful to be free from negativity and break down those barriers that stop you from chasing your dreams and goals.

In addition to freeing you from your negative thoughts positive thinking helps you become free by helping you see the many different possibilities in life. Research shows that a negative mindset pushes you to only behave in a specified manner. When you have negative thoughts you become frightened of certain outcomes and prevents you from taking any action against that possible outcome. So you can’t get beyond that to get a chance to see the other side of the coin. Sometimes our minds are conditioned to see the bleak things only but with a combination of hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy and Emotional Freedom Technique then our minds can easily be deconditioned as long as there is willingness for that to happen.

By developing a positive attitude and mindset you become more open to things instead of being restricted by your negativity, you start considering different ideas and seeing so many other possibilities in life.

Positive thinking is also very empowering as it helps you to build your own unique skill set. We are all gifted in different ways and negative thinking often stops us from being able to access those skills through a lack of self-confidence. The lack of self-belief, which feeds a lack of confidence can keep us in a terrible job that we don’t like or makes us dependant on others financially. By developing your positive thinking you become open to the thought that there might be something special about you as well! You might have a hidden talent that could help you towards your dreams and goals. This type of positive thinking will boost your self-confidence which makes you dig deeper in yourself to find your true potential thus enriching your life and opening up those opportunities you thought were just dreams!

For more information about positive thinking and overcoming barriers visit www.positivelycalm.com. Change your way of thinking now because YOU deserve it! You will find you have much more energy and will be so much happier!

Take Control Of Your Life!

Do you ever feel out of control of your life? Your all powerful subconscious mind that runs in the background and over rides …

A Christmas Stress Buster!

  Even though tis the season to be jolly, for some people this puts on an added pressure to show an outward happiness …

Insomnia – Is it all in your head?

Worrying about not getting enough sleep could be the very thing that is causing your insomnia. Although sometimes there could …